5:52 pm - 01.05.05
Automotive Purgatory
I drove across the Monitor Merrimack bridge tonight covered in fog. It was amazingly dark across the water, like a long narrow tunnel with navy blue walls topped off with a black sky.

I could only see perhaps 100 feet in front of me and the oncoming cars dissapeared int the white glow of their headlights, making a slow, steady procession, like wandering ghosts passing by.

The MM bridge is long and sometimes backed up for miles, but every once and a while, it affords me a very interesting view.

-e.

8:36 pm - 01.04.05
Make your body happy! Drink bottled overprice water!
I've been happy today. Despite work being tedious and anxiety ridden, despite topsy turvy feelings about this new crush I've developed, desipte having no goddamn clue what I am going to do about my future, I have had quite a few really good moments. Not linked to anything else except that I feel good and optimistic and genuinely happy.

Maybe its because for the first time in a long time I've actually gotten my full 8 servings of water today. Yay! Electrolites!

downside: all the bathroom breaks.
-e.

9:00 am - 01.03.05
burp.
At times I think that its the stomach, not the heart, that contains our emotions - mine seems to churn up anxiety and feelings like some sort of acidic gas waiting for fullfillment and love to flow through.

acid reflux's a bitch.
-e

7:39 am - 01.02.05
Sleeping late and studying? Its like college except not
So I corrected the 2 hours sleep problem with a marathon 12 hours sleep last night. Yep. With the help of some Tylenol PM I slept from a bit after 8pm till 7 this morning.

Today, its all about the GRE today. I will start with studying some math and then hopefully figure out how long I will need to study and set up a date to take it. Wish me luck!

My wrists are sore. I wonder why.
-e.

5:10 pm - 01.01.05
multiple entries, almost as good as multiple orgasms
I have decided to start using a blog format instead of the silly one page per entry. (Which, hey, was fine when I was only updating every few months) but now that I am updating again, lets just keep the flow going, shall we.

This will probably confuse how to search through my older entries, so I will try and label which ones (every single one uptil now) as one page a entry and blog.

Well enough logistics. Lets see how many times I have to mess with code to get this to work.

-e.

2:21 pm - 01.01.05
emotional drunk driving
I really wanted to kiss him this morning. I spent a few scattered moments trying to think of how. Not how to kiss. I remember that. But how to sell the idea to myself in such a way where I would actually go through with it.

It all sounded dorky, and corny... like "Guess what?" and then dive right in. I remember a guy from high school who tried to make out with me. He did cheesy things like ask to see my hand because he wanted to look at a a scar I had, and then he just held it. It was a sweet gesture, but the guy was creepy. All other sweet gestures since then have, to some degree, been tainted by that experience.

I missed quite a few chances this morning, but the butterflies were racing up into my throat and all I could do was feign that I was still sleepy. Still, all in all, it was nice to have those feelings again. Been about... well over a year since I have had a tangible crush.

Maybe I will try to kiss him later, but I think the timing is gone. (If something so similar to a trainwreck could have timing.) Of course he reads this blog so, in essence, this entry may accomplish the same thing.

This was my plan to scare you away.
-e.

10:50 am - 01.01.05
And all the something something be forgot
Why did I only sleep 2 hours? I stayed up all night with Scooter, watching movies and playing Risk. And after we crashed at 7am, I woke up at 10!!! Do you know how long he sleeps!?! And to add to the morning, my mom seemed to be on the warpath this morning.

Apparently our next door neighbor decided to contribute to the New Years festivities in a very loud way: no, no, not fireworks - that would have been bearable. About 1am they put their yippy yappy dog out in the back yard and it barked all night!

So now I am here, trying to resist the urge to go wake up Scott (and trying to avoid the rents).

All things considered, its been a pretty fun new year!

Happy 2005!
-e.

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